Last October 17th was my 36th birthday, and it’s a long story…but that day I was felt very depressed. I had just met supersarah5 and she knew how shitty I was feeling on my birthday…so we went out to Oldfields-Lilly House & Gardens . While I had been to the Indianapolis Museum of Art with Deborah, I hadn’t ever been to the Lilly House. It is on the same acreage, but since it is wooded and the house is secluded, I never saw it.
Yahoo News ran a story about Smarty Jones that stated, “By then the backyard was in near-silence. There were tears on little girls' cheeks and expletives shouted into the air and big, strong guys with their heads buried in their calloused hands.” Later the news piece stated, “Smarty was the people’s horse. Smarty was the people’s champion.”
Am I the only one that thinks this is pathetic? CRYING? It’s a goddamn horse race!
Went out this morning and took more pics. If it looks bad, thats because it is.
Spooky. A bit more pressure on this fucker and SNAP...down comes the power lines. This is how it looked from across the street. I found this one a bit of a jolt to my psyche. You can see the facade ripped off this building. It is now a Target, but it used to be a store called Aire Way.
Sirens! Tornados!!! I need a blankie and a closet ...and ill sit in there and suck my thumb. :) lookin all evil MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMY! *sniffle* Im scared! I keep telling myself a tornado hasnt ever hit Riley Towers. LOL......
I slept little yesterday after work, but lord did I pay for it later. I around 6 or 7 I fell asleep and didnt wake up till 1 am. Then I stayed up for a whole 10 minutes and slept until 630am. Shhhhhhhhit! Much to do today! I want to start doing a week of FMA posts. (What is FMA, you ask? It stands for Federal Marriage Amendment, and I have a place on OUTlet Radio.
The Loss of Innocence aftermath of the affair by Kelly O’ferrell
“This is not the face of an ingenue; this is an old soul in a new body- wary, wise to her own long past, on to the wiles of the world, and having miles to go before she sleeps."-Sarah Ban Breathnach
I stood one day and listened as a co-worker told me about her new girlfriend. They’ve been friends for three years, were mutually attracted to one another, but never single at the same time.
Hey kids. I haven’t written in this journal for a while. It just got too painful to write “I love you, I think of you everyday, and I miss you.” I feel better now, and I do believe things are looking up for the future. I want this journal, at the very least, to be a sign post that I HAVENT forgotten you, and that I love you.
I love you.
T-Hows it hangin? Hope ur doing well, …..lol…I know ur doing well, I hope ur staying out of trouble :)
N-Your account will be opened this weekend. If you want to access it, I am sending the info to Moms.
D-Hows my girl? I miss your hugs. I miss your voice. I just miss you…..
“Zoe Jane” by Staind
well i want you to notice to notice when i’m not around and i know that your eyes see straight through me and speak to me without a sound
Kids, its been a long time since ive posted last. How many times can you say…I LOVE YOU. Or that my heart breaks every day that I dont see you. That its been so long, your voice has changed, and I dont know even what you sound like. I miss you…everyday…every single day.
N- I got a voicemail from a male, I’m assuming it was your mom’s boyfriend. He wasnt very nice to me :) I dont assume anything that they say….
Hi kids. Well, its almost been a year since I’ve seen you, but it seems like 10. I know less and less of your life..and that kills me a little each day.
N- Son, your response to all this has hurt me the most. I was told you dont want to talk to me. I had hoped that you would love me for who I am, not what I am….but apparently your either too young or too rigid in your thinking of what you want from me, not what is best for me in the long run.
Its getting close to a year of me not seeing you. N- Mom told me that you no longer want to speak to me. I understand that you must be very mad at me. I hope some day you can see how hard all this has been for me. I didnt just decide one day that I wanted to switch my gender. Being a transsexual is the last thing that I wanted in my life.
D.- Every day that passes..I know you a little bit less. Dont take that not knowing as not caring. I love you more today than I ever have. I hope you know that someday.
N.-Son, I know your confused, and prolly embarrassed about your Dad. This isnt ever easy. Know that I love you, and miss you. I will always love you, and NEVER judge you.
T.- time passes…and you grow!
As a young boy not quite eight years old, I set off to run away from home. My mother had made me eat cole slaw and forbid me to watch my favorite superhero, Wonder Woman. I had had enough, so I started packing. I found my mom’s curler carrier. It was one of those hard brown leather cases with the mirror attached to the top. With my mom’s curler box emptied of all her plastic curlers, I replaced them with all my Star Wars action figures, my Evil Kenevil and Fonzie dolls, and a few other prized possessions.
Kids, today is Thanksgiving, and by all rights, I have very little to be thankful for. I dont see you anymore, and I speak to you rarely. One thing I am thankful for is your existance. I hope someday that you can understand how hurt I am, and how much I do love you. I am a piece of trash that some want to throw away and act as if I dont exist.
Talked to N and D today…how I miss you! N..damn son…..you sound so…old. I guess that means im getting old too! D, you sounded so confident…..thats a great change..Im glad you like school. Seeing you again has kept me going the last few weeks…someday my beautiful children…someday soon! I love all of you. I hope some day you will both understand why things had to be this way…and things will get better…I promise.
Hi D, I sent you a battery for your barbie car. Every day that passes, my heart breaks a bit more….my children I love you all……I am trying to work towards being able to see you….N, D and T…I think of you every day. I hope you know at some point in your life, how much I love you.
Dad
D- I think about you every day. It makes me laugh, and cry, because I remember who you were…but I dont know you now. Wish I could be more in your life. I love you and miss you more than you’ll ever know.
Daddy
N-Gonna see if I can call you this weekend from work…I love you so much and miss you very much. I have spent much of this week preparing for my new web site release. Got some pics from mom, gawd..you look too damn much like me! I love you son. Dad
T…………..I am so proud of you! Not worrying of being short now R u? I love your strong spirit. LOL…its funny, its the spirit that ive seen in your Aunt J. I wish there were some way to make this all better. The only thing that keeps me alive somedays is the thought that someday we will be together….Your a great person…never try and be someone your not….you rob others of knowing you…and you attract people that love you for something your not.
D….saw some pics of you from your 6th birthday…..I miss you so much. I misss you hugs….and you sitting on my lap. My heart aches….someday my daughter….we shall see each other…..
This is my living monument to my children. Im not sure how you wandered here….but if your one of my children…I love you. Read on.
This is a place for me to post info and thoughts for my kids….as I cannot see them anymore. My simple crime is being a transsexual….In Indiana I guess that is a strong enough crime to warrant you not to see your own flesh and blood.
He looks hot, she just looks dim. :)