I Understand

Kids, its been a long time since ive posted last. How many times can you say…I LOVE YOU. Or that my heart breaks every day that I dont see you. That its been so long, your voice has changed, and I dont know even what you sound like. I miss you…everyday…every single day.

N- I got a voicemail from a male, I’m assuming it was your mom’s boyfriend. He wasnt very nice to me :) I dont assume anything that they say….but I do know you said out of your own mouth that you didnt want to see me or hear from me. I understand your anger. That doesnt change how I feel about you. The only thing I will say is that holding on to anger will only stunt your emotional growth. Today, tomorrow, ten years from now, I have an open door. It is your choice if you ever open that door. I am waiting behind that door with a feast of love. I wont push you through the door…its your choice.

T- You dont know how I miss you. Your something else. I will always be proud of you. Your character is so strong! Your mind so pointed, and your wit is so sharp.

D-Honey…Ive missed your warm smile,…of course the last time I saw it, you had teeth :) I close my eyes and remember sitting with you in my computer chair and watching spongebob squarepants with you. I dont even know you anymore, but I still hold on to your memory. I pray someday this situation will change. I know one day you will know the truth…and these posts will have depth for you. Even in death, my love for you will not die.

In some small way, I live in all of you. I love you all. I miss you so bad that it hurts my heart. Love, Dad.