Recently I was involved in a discussion with Twitter user @schnookiekins concerning people who publicly name people they say raped them. He supports Michael Nugent’s statement that:
“allegations of rape should be reported to the police, not to bloggers.” as if it's an either/or situation. I don't know of a requirement that compels victims of rape, by the state, to report their perpetrators to the police. Many people have written about why victims don't report rape, so I'll leave that there (*smirk* though I do wonder why men don't report domestic violence?
I have to admit, self identified trans women who want to have a “world without gender” really do confuse me. Below is one such transwoman:
If there is no gender, how can one identify themselves as trans anything? And if you do and you see sex as an unmovable binary, it would seem to me that you’d have to say that you’re a male trans woman. If you say that, aren’t you implying that gender and sex are different and that “woman” is your gender identity?
This morning I read an excellent post over at Crossdreamer's Tumblr blog about transition regret (also a great post by Brynn Tannehill). I'll say upfront that I don't regret transition, but I understand those who do. From the post:
"Some of the male to female regretters have clearly been caught up in some very restrictive ideas of what it means to be a woman."
and:
"I should add that this does not mean that all regretters detransition because they believe in sexist stereotypes.
I’ve kept quiet much for the last few months because I’ve been mourning a loss, the equal I can only compare losing my father at age 11. I’m not going to share the particulars of this loss because it doesn’t really matter in the context of this post, and secondly because it’s extremely personal. But emotionally I’ve been hampered a bit in just getting by day to day. I’m just trying to work out a plan for my future and try to do all the things people do when they’re mourning a huge loss.
I’ve recently (since June) started putting back money for my retirement both in a 403b and a bit of money in some individual stocks. Seeing my portfolio see-saw back and forth, and at best maybe breaking even, I have to wonder who makes money in this market? I’m not moving what I have, but it all makes me wonder if the stock market hasn’t fundamentally changed in the past 15 years.
Apparently the media think it’s news that Roseanne Barr has made some rather lewd comments about Bill Cosby, who:
"Several women in recent weeks have come forward to claim the comedian drugged and raped them or touched them inappropriately in past decades." But when Roseanne saidsome really horrible stuff about trans people? The media was and is silent. What did I learn today? The same thing I learn most days. Trans people’s lives aren’t worth much at all.
So I thought I’d spruce up (and help the air quality) of my apartment by buying a houseplant. So I traveled down to my local store and bought this:
There have been a few problems with this plant (right now I’m not sure what type of plant it is):
the previous occupant of my apartment put hooks in the ceiling next to my windows (6 windows, a hook in front of each one):
In a Twitter discussion with LBC radio presenter, Julia Hartley-Brewer asked me:
@Martiabernathey that's a LOT of money and a BIG %. What are you so angry about? — Julia Hartley-Brewer (@JuliaHB1) October 29, 2014 I AM angry. I'm angry because corporate conservative media outlets are engaging in a propaganda war against the poor. She and her station posted this: A single mum of 5 says she shouldn't be forced by benefits cap to leave Westminster to move to Milton Keynes.
This morning I was listening to LBC radio and the radio presenter, John Stapleton (who was sitting in for James O’Brien), took a call from someone that said the Tories don’t care about benefit cuts and people in poverty: [soundcloud url=“https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/174327300” params=“auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true” width=“100%” height=“450” iframe=“true” /] Stapleton called the caller “harsh,” then parroted the government line. I had a brief conversation with him on Twitter, of which there was little response.
Now that I’m almost a year into fixing my credit, I’m starting to get a lot of offers for credit. Well sort of. Most of the loans in being offered are really absurd; a loan for $1000 that will cost $500?! I’ve also received a lot of credit card applications. Many of these offers say “pre-approved” or “prescreened.” I’m finding that what that means is that they’ve realized my credit is improving, but this doesn’t mean they’ll approve me.
Wading through all the comments on Facebook about Renee Zellweger’s “new look” have made me think a lot about a common thread between abortion rights, trans bodies, and body modification through surgery. The common issue is between them all is bodily autonomy, the right to make choices about what happens to you your own body.
"But she looked good/better/different before the surgery!" “She looks ok, but I think she was more attractive as a guy!
When I was married, I had the car (the car loan), the house payment (the mortgage), and the credit cards. We spent all we made, and put a lot of things we needed on credit. So much so that even though we were making close to $80k together, we were living paycheck to paycheck (in 1996).
After the marriage fell apart, I really stopped caring about ever having credit again. If I got a medical bill that I didn’t feel like paying, I didn’t.
My mind has been in a million different places today. I read this thoughtful post by a doctor about a patient that committed suicide. I saw this today on dying with dignity:
[www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPfe3rCcUeQ) I come at this from the perspective of a medical professional that has seen death and dying up close and personal for almost thirty years. I come at this from the place of a person with a history of persona trauma and loss.
I took this blog offline for a while and I’ve deleted a lot of the posts that don’t make sense being here, but I still feel the need to write. I look back over my writing and my life and see and feel where I was at the time.
In this life I’ve experienced a lot of pain, heartache, and disappointment. But I’ve also loved, and been loved in return. That’s probably the one thing in life that I value most.
Tonight is an anniversary for me as well as Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving 2003 was one of the lowest points in my life. I had recently moved to Washington DC and had a one bedroom apartment that was baren. It had a bed (from the previous owner), a small kitchen table, and that was all for furniture. The previous year had seen me lose visitation to both my son and my daughter because I was trans.
Growing up in a super dysfunctional household, I had very little in the way of nurturing. Between working full time and regularly engaging in marital battles, my mom had little quality time with us kids. I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandmother and grandfather (who we affectionately called "Granny" and "Poppy"). Pop was a very mean man. I can remember times he would come home for supper, and if Granny didn't have the food on the table, he'd call her every expletive in the book (with "
A friend of mine moved to Indianapolis, Indiana from New York because in his words, “Indianapolis feels like home.” As someone that’s always hated living in Indianapolis, I couldn’t understand how someone would WANT to move there. There are people I miss in Indianapolis, but I don’t miss the place itself. A year ago I moved to Wisconsin to be near my best friend. I now know what Danni was talking about.
I’ve always found great joy in music, but there are few songs that impact me to such an extent that I cry the first time I hear them. Tonight I heard the following song did:
All That We Let In - Indigo Girls
“Dust in our eyes our own boots kicked up
Heartsick we nursed along the way we picked up
You may not see it when it’s sticking to your skin
But we’re better off for all that we let in
Lost friends and loved ones much too young
So much promises and work left undone
When all that guards us is a single center line
And the brutal crossing over when it’s time
Oooooooo
(I don’t know where it all begins)
Oooooooo
(And I don’t know where it all will end)
Oooooooo
(We’re better off for all that we let in)
One day those toughies will be withered up and bent
The father son the holy warriors and the president
With glory days of put up dukes for all the world to see
Beaten into submission in the name of the free
(Recently on a progressive e-list I’m on a person pointed to the work done by Science and Public Policy Institute and suggested that we “learn the truth” about climate change. The following is my response to him)
When someone claims to hold the truth to a question I tend to want to believe them. In my own life I want truth more than anything, so I my nature is to want to believe what people say. In third grade Ricky Crawford told me that his father worked for NASA and that his father had told him secretly that aliens from Pluto were attacking and would be here in three days. For three days I cried a lot, hid a lot, and waited for news to break that the aliens were attacking. When I realized that I’d been tricked, I trusted other people a lot less.
I’ve found consistently through my life that though I want to believe what people say, I have to dig down and see if there is a more sinister or politically motivated reason underneath. Many people (Christian creationists, for example) start with a belief and amass data to support their belief while dismissing anything that doesn’t support their beliefs.
For many years I thought I needed someone else to make me whole. Someone to "complete me." I've tried many ways to find that completeness, but sometimes the cliché is the truth. The easy truth is sometimes the hardest to actualize/realize/deal with.
Ultimately I realized that I never needed anything outside my own acceptance, my own love, and my own respect. Do I want those things from other people? Yes. Do I need them to be complete?
This recording was done at a mobile StoryCorps trailer on September 16th, 2007. The StoryCorps website describes itself this way:
StoryCorps is an independent nonprofit project whose mission is to honor and celebrate one another’s lives through listening. By recording the stories of our lives with the people we care about, we experience our history, hopes, and humanity. Since 2003, tens of thousands of everyday people have interviewed family and friends through StoryCorps.
Music kept me alive and sane when I was a teen/tween. One of my favorite bands was the Zero Boys. This song crystallizes that moment in time:
[youtu.be/V_woJ7Rl2...](https://youtu.be/V_woJ7Rl2mI) The really fucked up thing about the song is that it could be written today:
Civilization's dying
And no one's realizing
The position of hate stuck inside the gun
Civilization's crying
And I won't try to deny it
We got a problem son,
Late last Wednesday I started my trek across Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin to Madison for Thanksgiving. About 2 AM on Thanksgiving morning I stopped at a 7/11 in Huntley, Illinois to take a restroom break and to get a java refill. When I brought my coffee and snacks up to the counter the cashier tried to make small talk, and said: “So did you just come from the Turkey Testicle Festival?