Category: ponderings

An Apology To My Christian Friends

Writing a response to a hateful, bigoted blogger, the words of
Gandhi came to mind.

“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.”

“Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. I consider western Christianity in its practical working a negation of Christ’s Christianity.”

“It is my firm opinion that Europe does not represent the spirit of God or Christianity but the spirit of Satan. And Satan’s successes are the greatest when he appears with the name of God on his lips.”

The Christianity in this country that listens to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or Laura Ingraham; consumes popular culture like there is no tomorrow, supports the Iraq war, and votes for George Bush, are not Christians. They are like Saul before Damascus, a Pharisee. Christ said of the Pharisee:

“You make God’s law to mean nothing so you can keep your own laws! You are not true to yourselves! What Isaiah said about you was true. He said, ‘These people respect me with their mouth but their heart is far from me. They do not mean it in their hearts when they worship me. Their teachings are only the words of men.'”

If you’re going to judge me, judge my life, and try to subject me to your religious beliefs, how about you follow your own teachings? Hell, how about you KNOW your scripture, before trying to teach it to me?

To you that do follow the example of Christ, I apologize. I love you. I thought that anyone who claims to be a Christian, is a Christian. I’m sorry I’ve thrown you in with the American Pharisee’s. You walk the walk, and talk the talk. You live the word, and are a shining example of the Christ found in the Bible. I admire you, and your conviction even though I do not share it. If every confessed Christian was like you, this country would be heaven on earth.

Still Right On The Money

Bill Hicks is still relevant today.

It’s just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.I’m gonna share with you a vision that I had, cause I love you. And you feel it. You know all that money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence each year, trillions of dollars, correct? Instead… just play with this… if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world, and it would pay for it many times over, not one human being excluded and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Famous Dead People

Honestly, all this Reagan worship freaks me the hell out. Thousands of folks line the street for a man they didn’t know? Weird. The only way thing I can even remotely relate to is a twinge of sorrow I felt during Lady Di’s funeral, but that was because she was such a humanitarian. I didn’t know her, and honestly, her death hasn’t had a lasting effect on me at all.

Really, the only famous person I ever really grieved for in death was Kevyn Aucoin. In life, he inspired me with his wit and wisdom, not only about makeup, but also about life. He was truly a gay hero that had the most gentle spirit and huge heart that was evident in his books, advocacy, and writings.
Kevyn spoke to me to the core of my essence when he wrote “Today, I see beauty everywhere I go, in every face I see, in every single soul. And sometimes, even in myself.” Since his death, he has inspired me to try and follow his “path of enlightenment” concerning myself and how I treat others. If I had to choose to be remembered in the spirit of Reagan or Aucoin, it’s a no brainer. I want to be remembered as someone who loved life and the people close to me wholeheartedly.

Farty Jones and Pathetic North Americans

Yahoo News ran a story about Smarty Jones that stated, “By then the backyard was in near-silence. There were tears on little girls’ cheeks and expletives shouted into the air and big, strong guys with their heads buried in their calloused hands.” Later the news piece stated, “Smarty was the people’s horse. Smarty was the people’s champion.”

Am I the only one that thinks this is pathetic? CRYING? It’s a goddamn horse race! I think the authorities should be summoned to the park and the parents arrested for neglect. Anyone that would immerse their kids into horse racing and then take them to the track should spend time in jail.

Hero worship of a horse…

Land of the free, home of the fat, ignorant, and pathetic.

Loss of Innocence

The Loss of Innocence
aftermath of the affair
by Kelly O’ferrell

“This is not the face of an ingenue; this is an old soul in a new body- wary, wise to her own long past, on to the wiles of the world, and having miles to go before she sleeps.”-Sarah Ban Breathnach

I stood one day and listened as a co-worker told me about her new girlfriend. They’ve been friends for three years, were mutually attracted to one another, but never single at the same time. Now, finally, they are both single and have started dating-and everything that comes along with

“I think I’ve finally found the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.” she said. Suddenly, I felt my body rip down the middle. “The one forever,” is what I heard her say. Those words were vibrating in the room.

I wanted to run from the room. But first, I wanted to grab her and scream “THERE IS NO FOREVER!!” Stop looking forward to forever with this woman. Wake up now before you get hurt.!” She was pouring salt in a wound that had almost healed up. I had almost forgotten that forever isnt real. About two years ago I heard the words, “I’ve had an affair.” I wasnt expecting to hear those words – not from her. I had always heard, “You couldnt sandblast me out of this relationship and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I didnt live my life wondering if, when, who, where.

All my co-worker heard from me was, “That’s really nice.” All she saw was me smiling as she continued telling me about her new love. I had to ask her: “Have you ever been in a relationship where someone had an affair?” I wanted to know to what extent her history has shaped her belief in forever. I just wanted to know that if the answer was yes AND she still believed in forever, then maybe she could tell me how I could believe in forever again too. “No,” she said, “but there was one girlfriend
who I still believe had an affair but she denies it to this day.”

“Just for today, Kelly” someone `reminded me. “Just for today you can believe her.” She was telling me that I could believe in my new girlfriend. “There was no guarantee of forever in your last relationship
even when you believed there was.” Even in my innocence, the truth was there. I asked my friend Betsy, if she believes she’s with Anna “forever”. I know she loves Anna very much. And she knows the truth too. “The possibilities are endless,” she said. “And I know that I want to do whatever I have to do to stay with Anna.” Anna just looked at me, laughed and said, “You’re making my stomach hurt!” I wonder if I will ever feel – what? Like I did before? No, I will not feel like that again. There’s something about ‘going back’ thats unsettling. So I guess I will feel something new. But why does that thought
leave me feeling a little sad?

I talked to my friend, Jaime, about this concept of going back. “Back to what,” I asked him. “Back to innocence?” No. We couldnt find the word. “Here’s another word for innocence,” he said, “unconscious. And here’s another one – ingenue. It means a naive girl or young woman.”

Interesting. As a child, an ingenue, I was unconscious because of my limited experiences. I thought that my pets would live forever, that my family and friends would always be there. I had no experience of death and in my case, no family members divorcing.

And then, as I grew older, I began to have experiences – my pets died, my grandparents died. When I was in college, a friend who was 18 years old was killed going home from work when he fell asleep at the wheel. When I was 24, I went through a divorce with a man I didnt really plan on spending my life with. Someone I did plan on spending the rest of my life with left and I didnt see it coming. And then there was the sickening feeling of hearing, “and I’ve had an affair.” I’ve since watched friends and family battle cancer and heart attacks and survive. And, as I continued to grow older, I watched my friends parents die. And as sad and scary as all of that is, it increases my consciousness to be mindful that the people, pets, and things in my life are as temporary as my last breath.

No. Im not interested in going back – back to being unconscious. I know that pain and joy are equal ingredients that have made my life , the paths I have taken, a more conscious, wonderful journey. If the chances of a relationship staying are there too. the possibilities really are endless.

Just for today I am dating a woman that I like very much. Just for today, I love my life with my friends and my dog Lucy. I do not know what my life will be like tomorrow. The loss of innocence is a process of growing older, an increase in awareness comes whether I’m ready or not.

Two years ago, I did not know when I woke up that morning, that my life would be so painfully, radically different before I went to sleep that night. I did not know that what happened in that one day – when I was told about what had happened- would change how I felt forever.

Ah, there it is again – forever. Apparently, sometimes, in my innocence I still believe in forever. But, not this time. No. I will not give her affair that much power. Thats my part – how how I choose to let it shape my future relationships. So, just for today, especially with my girlfriend Holly, I will believe….

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