I just want to hear your voice.

I just want to see your face.

You probably think I hate you…

or worse, think I don’t love you.

Every day without you, is a day that I live in grayness. I miss you, my darling Danielle.

This song plays as I …

I just finished watching “Hotel Rwanda” and I thought of you, my children. I’ve always been heartbroken at the fact that I don’t see or speak to you. Danielle, I often wonder if you think I’ve forgottten you.

Being …

So long between enteries… Danielle and Tyler, I’ve not had contact with either of you in quite some time. I wish you could understand the road blocks I face, and the hurdles I seem to come up against in my fight to see you. Part of it is …

Danielle, I heard you call for me from behind me. I reached back my hand. I felt your hand grasp mine. Even if it was (or is) a just a dream, I hold on to it. I love you.

While visiting the dentist today I found this picture you colored at the dentist.

I found something worth more than any gold or silver, I found a piece of you.

I know your voice has changed but I still have a tape of you talking into the recorder. It’s really the only tangable thing I have to tell me that you ever existed.

To say I miss you would be the understatement of my life.

I love you my darling …

“What we have lost will never be returned to us. The land will not heal - too much blood. All we can do is learn from the past and make peace with it.” Ada-from the book “Cold Mountain”

So much I have missed in your life, my …

Happy Birthday Nick! I LOVE YOU!

:)

Guess what I gotcha?

Hey kids. I haven’t written in this journal for a while. It just got too painful to write “I love you, I think of you everyday, and I miss you.” I feel better now, and I do believe things are looking up for the future. I want this …

T-Hows it hangin? Hope ur doing well, …..lol…I know ur doing well, I hope ur staying out of trouble :)

N-Your account will be opened this weekend. If you want to access it, I am sending the info to Moms.

D-Hows my girl? I miss your …

Kids, its been a long time since ive posted last. How many times can you say…I LOVE YOU. Or that my heart breaks every day that I dont see you. That its been so long, your voice has changed, and I dont know even what you sound like. I miss …

Hi kids. Well, its almost been a year since I’ve seen you, but it seems like 10. I know less and less of your life..and that kills me a little each day.

N- Son, your response to all this has hurt me the most. I was told you dont want to talk to …

Its getting close to a year of me not seeing you. N- Mom told me that you no longer want to speak to me. I understand that you must be very mad at me. I hope some day you can see how hard all this has been for me. I didnt just decide one day that I …

D.- Every day that passes..I know you a little bit less. Dont take that not knowing as not caring. I love you more today than I ever have. I hope you know that someday.

N.-Son, I know your confused, and prolly embarrassed about your Dad. This isnt …

Kids, today is Thanksgiving, and by all rights, I have very little to be thankful for. I dont see you anymore, and I speak to you rarely. One thing I am thankful for is your existance. I hope someday that you can understand how hurt I am, and how …

Talked to N and D today…how I miss you! N..damn son…..you sound so…old. I guess that means im getting old too! D, you sounded so confident…..thats a great change..Im glad you like school. Seeing you again has kept me going …

Hi D, I sent you a battery for your barbie car. Every day that passes, my heart breaks a bit more….my children I love you all……I am trying to work towards being able to see you….N, D and T…I think of you every day. …

T- My gawd you’ll be a man soon. Driving around hitting the town…with your windows rolled down….I love you.

Marti

D- I think about you every day. It makes me laugh, and cry, because I remember who you were…but I dont know you now. Wish I could be more in your life. I love you and miss you more than you’ll ever know.

Daddy

N-Gonna see if I can call you this weekend from work…I love you so much and miss you very much. I have spent much of this week preparing for my new web site release. Got some pics from mom, gawd..you look too damn much like me! I love you son. …

T…………..I am so proud of you! Not worrying of being short now R u? I love your strong spirit. LOL…its funny, its the spirit that ive seen in your Aunt J. I wish there were some way to make this all better. The only …

D….saw some pics of you from your 6th birthday…..I miss you so much. I misss you hugs….and you sitting on my lap. My heart aches….someday my daughter….we shall see each other…..

This is my living monument to my children. Im not sure how you wandered here….but if your one of my children…I love you. Read on.

This is a place for me to post info and thoughts for my kids….as I cannot see them anymore. My …