Days Like This…

I just want to hear your voice.

I just want to see your face.

You probably think I hate you…

or worse, think I don’t love you.

Every day without you, is a day that I live in grayness. I miss you, my darling Danielle.

This song plays as I write this, and except for the line that it’s easier  to be apart, it incapsulates how my heart is breaking right now…

We Might As Well Be Strangers

By: Keane

I don’t know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don’t know your face no more
It’s just a place I’m looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a another time
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know

Hotel Rwanda

I just finished watching “Hotel Rwanda” and I thought of you, my children. I’ve always been heartbroken at the fact that I don’t see or speak to you. Danielle, I often wonder if you think I’ve forgottten you.

Being reminded of the tragedy in Rwanda, it makes me grateful of my situation. I have no doubt that you will be in my life at some time in the future. The forces of death is the only thing possible of stopping that.

I am blessed to have you. I do have you in my heart. You live, so I do as well. Many people wake up in this world without the ones they love. Many will never again see their loved ones. So as I think about that, I find a way to be grateful for the circumstances I’m finding myself in right now. I’ve found a way to be joyous. I love you.

With hope,
Dad

So Long…Yet I Still Have Hope

So long between enteries… Danielle and Tyler, I’ve not had contact with either of you in quite some time. I wish you could understand the road blocks I face, and the hurdles I seem to come up against in my fight to see you. Part of it is an internal battle and part of it’s external. Someone recently told me that “Hope is easy. It’s a word. It’s a thought. It’s a feeling. Though I am a very big fan of hope, and I believe we all need it, alone hope will not lead us to our dreams. Until we transform hope into action (much like love needs to be an action to really have meaning) we are merely sittin’ and hopin.'”

I just hope that you know that not a day goes by where I don’t think of you and I am taking action. Every day is a step back to you.

I love you.

Even In My Dreams

Danielle,
I heard you call for me from behind me.
I reached back my hand.
I felt your hand grasp mine.
Even if it was (or is) a just a dream,
I hold on to it.
I love you.

Treasure on A Deserted Island

While visiting the dentist today I found this picture you colored at the dentist.

I found something worth more than any gold or silver, I found a piece of you.

Magnetic Resonance of You

I know your voice has changed but I still have a tape of you talking into the recorder. It’s really the only tangable thing I have to tell me that you ever existed.

To say I miss you would be the understatement of my life.

I love you my darling Danielle.

Cold Mountain

“What we have lost will never be returned to us. The land will not heal – too much blood. All we can do is learn from the past and make peace with it.”
Ada-from the book “Cold Mountain”

So much I have missed in your life, my dear. I miss you more as the days, weeks, and months go by. You are never far from my thoughts. I hear your sweet voice, your warm hugs, and your laugh. I will never stop hoping for a future with you in it.

My child, I love you. I loved you the day you were born. I loved you when you first learn the word no. I love you now.

Dad.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Nick!
I LOVE YOU!

🙂

Guess what I gotcha?

Been a Long Time….

Hey kids. I haven’t written in this journal for a while. It just got too painful to write “I love you, I think of you everyday, and I miss you.” I feel better now, and I do believe things are looking up for the future. I want this journal, at the very least, to be a sign post that I HAVENT forgotten you, and that I love you.

I love you.

I have hope for our future.

I miss you.

My Sweet Children

T-Hows it hangin? Hope ur doing well, …..lol…I know ur doing well, I hope ur staying out of trouble 🙂

N-Your account will be opened this weekend. If you want to access it, I am sending the info to Moms.

D-Hows my girl? I miss your hugs. I miss your voice. I just miss you…..

“Zoe Jane”
by Staind

well i want you to notice
to notice when i’m not around
and i know that your eyes see straight through me
and speak to me without a sound

i want to hold you
protect you from all of the things that this liife has in store for you
i’ll always love you
the way that a father should love his daughter

when i walked out this morning
i cried as i walked to the door
i cried about how long i’d be away for
i cried about leaving you all alone

sweet zoe jane

so i wanted to say this
cuz i wouldn’t know where to begin
to explain to you what i have been through
to explain where your daddy has been

sweet zoe jane